I can't focus anymore.

there's this huge weight in my chest.

This feeling of forlorn gloom,

this feeling of pain and anxiety.

c'est la vie, they say.

but i don't want this life.

a shell of what i should and could be.

what i have to be.

my destiny.

i still can't find a meaning,

and my chest continues to ache.

what is there to do?

i can't concentrate,

my mind runs blank.

i need help.

but it will not come.

that's a big _|_ from life.

so i asked myself,

why is it that even though i am obviously the better choice,

people choose some random shit over me?

i have come to the conclusion that people are irrational,

i have an inflated ego,

and that they will suffer.

"On this special day I feel my emotions are running over and I must say what's on my mind. You have always been there for me to make me feel better about myself. You've spent most of my life trying to teach me right from wrong and now I know it was meant to be. Happy Valentine's Day, Video Games. I love you."

from failbooking.com.

Respect +1 for this guy.

I want to give up,

but this last bit of optimism clings on to me.

"WHAT IF tomorrow IS better?"

"WHAT IF you CAN find happiness?"

"WHAT IF the world AIN'T so bad?"

even as I try hard to delete these foolish thoughts,

I can't.

I want to stay hopeful.

That's the only reason why I am alive.

Breathing, walking, taking these steps and typing these words.

If I finally let loose of my folly,

the darkness will tear me apart and feed me to the void.

I want to stay hopeful,

to see the silver lining in the clouds,

but all I see now are dark clouds and the impending storm.

Someone, save me.

Give me a hand.

Not just empty, patronizing words.

But physical manifestations.

Please.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING

BUT I KNOW THAT I AM GOING CRAZY

AND GOING LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

MAKING ME GO FEELING RACY

-----------------------------

happy chinese new year.

i was asked "happy valentine's day or happy chinese new year?"

my answer was

"CNY duh. you get money and nice food. valentine's make you pay and i have no valentine's anyway."

------------------

I reject I refuse I deny,

there's so much crap inside my life.

I sigh I wither I cry,

there's nothing but sorrow in my eyes.

thinking pondering wondering,

what could possibly have went wrong?

sobbing thrashing flailing,

singing an emotional break up song.

nothing nothing nothing,

there's nothing but nothing in my life.

------------------------

OHYAY VDAY IS HERE.

WELL GUESS WHAT I DON'T CARE.

this void cannot be filled up with anything.

i will live with this dark blank in my heart.

----------------------

i blame commercialization,

for it has created most arguably the most irksome day every year which falls on 14th feb.

it somehow made a day where a saint got executed and his head rolled on the floor into a day where every single man on earth feels his pain. (maybe)

it created this feeling called roneriness.

i blame commercialization,

and i blame you.

alright this shall be a new start..or would it?


tried to reboot so many times,

each and every, i failed and cried.

i am falling into the same trap again and again,

that lethal deer trap that she is.

for even if my heart feels pain,

my body is clamped down, locked in steel.

-----

i am all alone,

no one there,

no one here,

just my shadow and I.

this pressure is killing me.

what should i do?

what CAN i do?

i can do nothing but cry in the face of death,

for that's the only thing i can do.

*FIXED*

------
i don't know about you,

but why can't people realize that if they are going to not reply an sms and pretend it did not exist, or reply 2 days after, say some plausible but impossible lie like "i didn't see a sms for 2 days", they might as well say "f off" in my face. it would be much swifter.

it's like talking to a freaking wall.
just tell me to shut up. at least i hear something.

and i hate talking to a wall.

what point is there for acquaintances?

"friends" who just say hi in passing, and bye when they leave?

is there any value in these friendships?

or can these even be friendships?

rather than just acquaintanceship?

at the end of life we may proudly proclaim "10000 facebook friends", but how many do you actually talk to more than 1 min at one time?

friends are something more than just adding them on facebook.

friendship require a sort of cultivating and nurturing,

understanding and accepting,

but how possible is it in this selfish screwed-up world we live in today?

how many friends that you have now will stay with you even 2 years from now?

how many will keep in touch?

how many will even say hi on the streets?

the atomization of the society and family has left me in despair.

at the end of the day i realise that i am indeed facing mental degeneration,

a stagnating mind and stale thoughts abound.

my rationality and logic gone with the dark sky.

i need something to reboot me.

i need to reboot.

like spiderman iv i need a new fresh start.

a clean slate of mind.

tabula rasa.

or i will die from these thoughts.

dark gloomy and crazy thoughts.

what is there to enjoy in such an empty world?

how often can i smile naturally now?